Anal Orgasm
Q: I’m a straight woman in my 30s who only has sex with my partner of many years, a man. We recently started exploring anal play at his behest—it wasn’t really something I’ve ever thought I’d be into. It truly just does not turn me on in any way, but I figured I’d try it out and satisfy my partner’s curiosity. Anyway, the first time we had anal sex was quite uncomfortable and awkward, but I figured it was worth a second shot. Well, I had the most powerful orgasm of my life. I have no trouble cumming from clitoral play or vaginal sex, but this was way beyond that. Is it possible to have an anal orgasm as a woman? I didn’t think it was a thing. How is it any different from a regular orgasm?
A: It is absolutely possible for women to experience an orgasm through anal stimulation or anal intercourse. Interestingly, it is a common misconception that women can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Physiologically, the anus and surrounding area are rich in nerve endings, making it a great erogenous zone for some. When these nerves are activated, they can trigger the same physiological responses as other types of orgasm (ie; increased blood flow, muscle contractions and release of endorphins).
Condom Use
Q: I’m 24 and I’ve been dating my girlfriend, who is 22, for a year. We’ve both got tested for STIs at the beginning of our relationship and again recently. She takes birth control to regulate her periods, and she also has PCOS, which affects her fertility. But even with all that, she still insists that we use a condom every time we have sex. It really affects the experience for me, and I don’t enjoy it as much. Since we’re committed, I’d really like to stop using condoms and rely on her birth control instead, but she says no. How can I convince her to stop insisting on condoms?
A: Anxiety about pregnancy, even when using birth control correctly, is quite common, especially for people who are more cautious or prone to overthinking. There are a few ways you can address this in your relationship. The first step is to know the facts about the effectiveness of birth control. Knowing the real numbers can certainly reduce anxiety. For example, the pill is about 91% effective, while the IUD is 99% effective. Maybe your girlfriend doesn’t want to take even the smallest risk (the Pill and condoms together offer 99.5% protection). Unfortunately, anxiety thrives on “what if” thinking (What if I’m the 1%?). It’s important that your girlfriend challenges these thoughts, and she may need professional help to do that. Your girlfriend can take other measures to ease her anxiety, including using apps to track her cycle, working on the anxiety with cognitive behavioural therapy, journaling or mindfulness exercises. Bear in mind that pressuring her will not help the situation. You need to validate her fears by being understanding, all the while trying to help her address the anxiety by encouraging her to seek help.